Goodbye

After quite a while spent here, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Both this and my personal site will be shutting down as I head in all new directions. If you are interested in following along, please leave me a comment with your email address (yourname at host dot com), and I will get you the new information. Thanks for sharing in the journey all this time!

Waiting and weightless

"Did you ever even try?"
"Oh God, yes. I prayed to be changed, to be made different"
"That's not trying, that's waiting to be stopped."

This conversation jumped out to me recently from the most unlikely of places: Dexter. After seeing articles about finding truth in television and then seeing the angry backlash when secular shows are highlighted as examples, I can't help but feel that this only backs up the argument that truth can be found in the most unlikely and sometimes unattractive places. In this case, as one serial killer talks to another before he kills him.

For the record, this isn't saying that I don't believe in prayer - I'm saying that you have to take responsibility for things. Religion isn't a magic cure for everything. It's a relationship system. Somehow, that's been amazingly skewed.

This has been a weird week. Keyword: traumatic. A suicide and bank robbery both entered the world of people I care about. I'm currently in the process of packing up to fly off for a few days, leaving all of it behind. As people continue praying here, I guess I'm just hoping that people will take those prayers a step further and follow up with an action. Send a card, seek help, talk to one another. Life is rough, we have to watch out for another.

The thing is...

Sorry. I haven't posted anything for a while. The thing is, I have these amazing evenings now, and they aren't spent in an office. Sometimes they are spent on walks, or maybe watching my favorite movies, or maybe even on coloring nights, because even adults need those 96 colors of crayons now and then.

I officially have a full-time job and I officially rarely stay late. I have a new gym that is pretty awesome. I have friends and a boyfriend that are totally awesome. Life is good and I'm enjoying it right now. I hope you can all say the same thing. Call someone, go outside, do something nice for no reason, or buy a big box of crayons. For goodness sake, enjoy it!

Lolla 2010: The List

I'm back and recovering from both Lolla and starting a new job. This is the first night I am not working, crammed into the middle of thousands of screaming and sweating people, or sitting in a small car with two others and enough luggage to collectively last us a month. I am sprawled appropriately.

Instead of telling every detail of the trip (I don't feel like writing it right now and you probably don't ever feel like reading it), I'm going to do a post in mostly lists and summaries. Enjoy!

WHO I SAW/HEARD
The Walkmen
Jukebox the Ghost
Mavis Staples (+ Jeff Tweedy)
American Bang
Ana Sia
The Big Pink
The New Pornographers
The Black Keys
Wild Beasts
Stars
The XX
Dawes
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Cut Copy
Phoenix
Dodos (+Neko Case!)
Mumford and Sons
Mutemath
MGMT
The National ( +Richard of Arcade Fire)
Arcade Fire

WHO I LOVED
New Pornographers (just a solid set)
Black Keys (always, always good)
Stars (I've waited three years to see them live!)
Cut Copy (biggest dance party)
Mumford and Sons (happiest; awesome performance)
The National (Matt walked through the crowd, was close enough to touch)
Arcade Fire (it's Arcade Fire, c'mon)

BEST CROWD/WORST CROWD
Mumford and Sons or Cut Copy/Edwarde Sharpe or MGMT

WEIRDEST CROWDS
Lady Gaga and Gogol Bordello (wow)

FESTIVAL SIGHTS
Drunk girls vomiting at the exit
A Viking
A full Indian head dress
A guy in a quilted, corduroy, floor-length skirt
Girls in just bras
A pink man
The green guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
More hipsters than I ever want to see in my life ever

WHERE WE ATE
Eleven Diner (love!)
Lula's Cafe (awesome vibe and food)
Jamba Juice (food poisoning)
Giordano's (oh man)
Argo Tea (great little morning stop)
Ina's (love!)

DETOURS IN CHICAGO
Suck

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN CHICAGO
Is awesome

MILES WALKED
One million

HOURS IN MY CAR
It felt like eight days

TIMES YELLED AT BY OLD MEN IN THEIR UNDERWEAR
One

TIMES I FELT LIKE STABBING SOMEONE
No comment

VISIBLE BATTLE WOUNDS
8

FINAL VERDICT FOR LOLLAPALOOZA 2010
Awesome

Calm before and after: Storms

A great day followed by a great night. Storms are rolling in (the sky is staying lit up by all the lightning at this point) and I am safe and comfortable in my apartment, settling in to watch it all. I was able to meet up with everyone from my now previous job as well some friends that I have known for the past few years. There's a real sense of closure to it all.

I start my new job on Tuesday morning, but between now and then I will have a roadtrip, Chicago, and Lollapalooza in all its loud, sweaty, crowded glory. I can't wait. What was concert season last year has turned into vacation season this year, and this weekend kicks it all off. All of my trips are already paid for and have been approved at the new gig, so some major traveling and relaxing are in my very near future.

Until then, what looks like a wild storm is about to close one chapter and get me ready for the next...

Lolla

In other and brighter news, let me just point out that I am leaving for Chicago and Lollapalooza and all the beauty that they both possess in a mere four days. That's right. I will finally see Stars, live. And Arcade Fire. And....yeah. Updates will absolutely be provided!

No More Kool-Aid

Since my last post, a few people have contacted me wanting to know more about what's going on. There are a lot of ways I could respond. The past nine months have been challenging and frustrating. A lot has happened that shouldn't have, and I'm walking away much wiser than when I started.

If you treat people well they will stay, and if you don't, they will leave. That is what a lot of my decision comes down to. I can put up with a lot, and take a lot, but at some point I have to question if it's worth it. After nine months of canceled plans, late nights, rough days, broken promises, and some blatantly bad situations, I have decided to walk away from what I initially thought was a good thing. To say that I will be happy when this chapter is over is an understatement.

When you have a handful of people in one room, and one of them stops drinking the Kool-Aid, you have a problem. As the non-drinker in the room, it has been interesting to see puzzle pieces fall into place and to see the ripple effect of my decision. I know a lot, I'm unhappy, I know a lot of people, and therefore, I am a threat. Silence is golden, and this whole ordeal has really opened my eyes to this: I'm basically being paid to be quiet right now. A whole campaign is set to be announced at the same time that I leave. It's all very bizarre to watch.

I have three days left, then I am heading out of town for a much needed break from everything. I'll listen to concerts for days and ride trains and laugh so very much. I can't think of a better way to start a new chapter.