No More Kool-Aid

Since my last post, a few people have contacted me wanting to know more about what's going on. There are a lot of ways I could respond. The past nine months have been challenging and frustrating. A lot has happened that shouldn't have, and I'm walking away much wiser than when I started.

If you treat people well they will stay, and if you don't, they will leave. That is what a lot of my decision comes down to. I can put up with a lot, and take a lot, but at some point I have to question if it's worth it. After nine months of canceled plans, late nights, rough days, broken promises, and some blatantly bad situations, I have decided to walk away from what I initially thought was a good thing. To say that I will be happy when this chapter is over is an understatement.

When you have a handful of people in one room, and one of them stops drinking the Kool-Aid, you have a problem. As the non-drinker in the room, it has been interesting to see puzzle pieces fall into place and to see the ripple effect of my decision. I know a lot, I'm unhappy, I know a lot of people, and therefore, I am a threat. Silence is golden, and this whole ordeal has really opened my eyes to this: I'm basically being paid to be quiet right now. A whole campaign is set to be announced at the same time that I leave. It's all very bizarre to watch.

I have three days left, then I am heading out of town for a much needed break from everything. I'll listen to concerts for days and ride trains and laugh so very much. I can't think of a better way to start a new chapter.

Great Escape

And just like that, I'm looking at job postings again. Getting my life back. Wondering what took me this long.

I Know

I know.
What do you know?
I know everything. I know everything.

This is the dialogue from a scene in Happily Ever After, a French movie I stumbled upon a little while ago. The delivery of these lines, specifically the last one, is dead on.

And tonight, I'm there. I've been enlightened. Almost three hours of conversation has left me almost nauseous with the reality of what I know and what I am dealing with. It also makes me slightly excited. You can do a lot with knowledge - especially when no one knows you have it. Game on.

Road trippin', round 1

I just got back from a much needed mini-vacation and road trip. I had an awesome friend, weather, music, hotel, food, spa, and experience. Instead of telling all kinds of vacation stories, I'm just going to share a few photos to sum up the trip. Hope everyone is having an awesome 4th weekend!

Things You Can't Unsee

As we all too often say in our office, there are just some things you can't unsee. This weekend verified this statement more than I had wished it would.

Our office party was Thursday and really set off the weekend. The whole invite and theme was based on drinking, so I knew this going to end with half of the room being a hot mess. I didn't expect quite as many people to show up, and easily over half of the room was completely trashed. My fellow sober buddies and I discovered two all-too-convenient Nerf guns and entertained ourselves for a good two hours. At least one person slept in their lawn that night, and we had to stop one person from calling the intern (a client's daughter, at that) to inform her that she was a slut. Seriously, people.

This weekend kicked off yet another Comfest. It's a free festival in a park downtown that draws hippies and potheads from around the world. Or, it's a "Community Festival". We went one night after dinner. To be fair, I was already tired and had put in a long day that followed a long week. A few minutes in I felt something wet hit me in the dark and I was ready to leave. The smell of pot was overwhelming, everyone was drunk and slurring, and I had already seen three sets of painted boobs. I know that this is a great way to catch local bands, but I have a really hard time getting into it. In the eyes of most people here, not liking this event makes an evil terrorist, not worthy of living in this town. To each his own, I guess?

The rest of my weekend was spent with friends, one of which will be leaving town in a matter of days. I've known this person longer than anyone else I met here, and we've been through some pretty good and bad times together. I'm excited and sad at the same time. This weekend did offer some really great opportunities for us to catch up, talk, hang out a few good times. Tonight, I will be picking up several items I am buying from him. No more mattress on the floor or eating at the computer for this girl!

A slow day at work. Cloudy outside, freezing inside. I'm practically hugging this godsend cup of tea in front of me and wondering why we are listening to French elevator music. Hello, Monday.

Where'd you get your name from

Sometimes, remembering where you came from means making a trip back. Such was the case this weekend as I drove to visit one of my favorite people. There is just no place like a grandparents' home. I love hearing my grandma's stories about how she grew up, met my grandpa, became an army wife, and raised four kids. Her life is so interesting and so different from the life I find myself in, and I think that's why I appreciate it so much. She comes from another world that I have the utmost respect for.

I'm starting on my summer road trips and couldn't be more happy. The open road, my new little car, and my favorite people on the other side of those miles. I'm hoping to take a day off and travel to one of my favorite little places down south soon. Chicago in all its glory is coming up and I am counting down the days for that trip. Hopefully this year involves significantly less stress than last year.

In other news, I am currently black and blue over various parts of my body. I love it. I joined a local Fight Club and I'm taking the fundamentals class. It's a contact class, and since they know me and know I can take the hits, they are a little more comfortable actually hitting me. My ice pack is getting a lot more attention, and I am able to walk into work wearing my bruises ever so proudly. On a funny side note, this class served as a couple of date nights. Nothing like punching each other to really set the mood. Now, if only my running schedule could go as well as these classes...

And on that note, the morning is coming up and bringing an early make-up run with it. Have a fantastic week!

Observations on a very good day

:: I started a new running program and the first day was a wild success. I would rather be punched repeatedly than run, so this is saying a lot. Day 2 is either Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'm actually (gasp!) looking forward to it.

:: I woke up to yet another tornado warning (third? one this week), snuggled down into the covers, and woke up to a most beautiful and perfect day. Fluffy clouds, blue skies, sunshine, and a nice breeze. My run was followed by a drive, a walk, and some outside reading.

:: There are a few people that I see around all the time. Out of these, there are a few that I am dying to meet. Today, I can finally mark one off the list! There is a guy who has really interesting hair, clothes and, in my mind, a really interesting life. He's either brilliant or crazy or both, I think. Today, on my walk, I stopped to grab tea and he happened to be inside. He asked me about my hair and I almost felt honored. Then, we had a whole conversation about my hair color (it's black, purple and red) and how he liked it because it was both subtle and unique. We are going to be bff's before you know it.

:: I am noticing that people downtown very rarely go over to apartments and homes to socialize. If that happens, it's usually a big deal or for a big event. This makes me kind of sad. We all go out to eat, or grab coffee, or grab tea or whatever when we probably don't even want the food/drink. I feel like a lot is lost when people stop sharing homes. There is a certain comfort, safety and belonging that is unique and slowly fading. I believe I see a new goal ahead.

:: I'm trying to refocus on finding a balance that has been missing for a while. So far, this has involved more time with friends, more time with books, saying no to more events, calling my grandmas on the phone, reconnecting with my friends that are many miles away, and painting my nails once a week (and taking my nice long time to do so!). I recommend all of these things.

:: Life is short and a lot more simple than we allow it to be on a daily basis.

*Photo by the amazing Jess Gough. Check her out!