Soft Shock

The past couple of weeks have been...interesting. I'll start with the bad and go to the good. I want you to leave here happy.

Death needs to chill out for a while. I lost my dog and my Grandpa one week apart. Even when you know it's coming, death still has a shock to it. I'm lucky to work in an amazing place, with some of the best people you can imagine. I haven't really told everyone I work with what is going on, but the few people that know have gone out of their way to be supportive and just plain awesome. My boss even surprised me and ordered me these:















That's right - special edition Emily the Strange Jones soda. My dark little heart was bursting with design joy. My friends have also been amazingly supportive. I'm feeling overly fortunate this week. So much love.

Oh, and I got these:



















My office was abuzz with the deliveries I got yesterday. If ever in doubt, yes, send your girl flowers at work. Major points, fellas.

Just to illustrate how strange it's been, I was standing in the middle of a Tegan + Sara show when I got the news about my dog. Two girls were making out in front of me, two were making out behind me, Tegan + Sara were putting on an amazing show, and I was arranging the burial plans for my dog. That (luckily) does not happen every day.

Speaking of shows, I managed to hit quite a few last week. Starting with my favorites:

1: Joanna Newsom
Amazing, amazing show. Live, she is just beautiful and incredibly talented. If she is close, pay whatever they ask and see her!

2: The XX
I love The XX even more now. While they kept the show simple, they changed things up and added drama with some of the best lights I've seen. They were just genuinely good. While the first opener, Nosaj Thing, blew us all away (seriously, check the guy out), the second opener jj was by far the strangest act I've seen. So.much.drugs.

3: Tegan and Sara
A fun albeit interesting show. The girls are talented and authentic - switching instruments, talking to the crowd, putting on a good show. They thankfully played a lot of older songs and ended with my favorite, Living Room.

4: Temper Trap
Fun show, high energy. The lead singer moves like Michael Jackson. They ended by pouring water on a floor tom and going wild. The water went out into the crowd, up to the ceiling. Quite the sight.

5: David Bazan
I loved him and his band and their plain, stretched t-shirts. They want you to cry and drink, I think, and you still like them for it. I was happy to hear a couple of Pedro the Lion songs sneak their way into the set.

6: Passion Pit
Glow sticks. So many glowsticks. This was a fun show, but I felt like the venue was too big to really enjoy the spastic energy. One of my favorite parts was the three old (gray hair) women getting down beside us. They danced so much more than I did.

So, life has been interesting. That might be a boring way to put it, but that is about as accurate as it gets. And I'm ok with that right now. Today, the sun is shining after two rainy and cold days. I'm cleaning and organizing, finally hanging things on my walls, and enjoying a fun playlist from The Blisslist, who always has cheerful noises to offer (and whose playlist just inspired the name for this post). May life never fail to be interesting...

On and on

The peaceful rain in my last post turned to ice, then snow. It's the end of March and I have a bright green, grassy front yard and a white, snow-covered back yard. When you live in Ohio, you just stop trying to understand life.

It was another busy week at work, but changes are on the horizon. I'm meeting with my boss this week to just talk over my workload, performance, etc. One thing I've learned from this job is total responsibility. If I'm doing something wrong, I need to find out what it is and change that. No time for egos or hurt feelings at this point. If someone else is doing something wrong and I don't ask questions or change it, I'm just as responsible. This requires some stressful weeks and tough conversations. Hello, adulthood. I'm hoping that this talk will make these 50+ hour weeks either a thing of the past or fewer in number, at the very least.

Yesterday I spoke to a group of design seniors at my old University. It was a strange thing to go back. It was also a strange moment of realizing how far I've come. Even though I have miles and miles (and miles) to go before I get "there", it's good to know I'm here, far from those scary, naive first years.

This weekend began an impressive week of concerts. Temper Trap put on one awesome show on Friday. Throw water on a floor tom, move like Michael Jackson, and put on a show like that and you have me. Tonight is possibly David Bazan w/Headlights, tomorrow is Joanna Newsom w/Robin Pecknold (of Fleet Foxes), Tuesday is Tegan + Sara, and Thursday is Fanfarlo. And thus ends any chance of sleep or hearing past the age of 30.

Here not there

A rainy Thursday. The first night I've been home this week. Rain is running slowly down the window next to me, the one right above the radiator. A tree is rocking in the wind every now and then. Calexico is playing quite nicely with the sounds of the rain and the radiators. Happy to be right here tonight.

More

I know that I typically tend to present a fairly optimistic and happy outlook on this blog. Honestly, that is how I tend to approach life. I have a good life. Still, I am human, and that I have a normal good/bad balance in my life. As quite a few of you reading this are close friends in far away places, I feel ok about opening up and being a little more candid about what's going on.

I have recently hurt a lot of people that I care about. None of it was intentional, but it still happened and they were still hurt. I'm lucky to have the amazing kind of friends who want to talk through things and work through the hard stuff.

As much as I love my job, it was really taking a toll. Either I couldn't spend time with the people I care about, or I was with them and in total zombie-mode. What came across as uncaring and distanced was really just stress and exhaustion. While I still cared deeply about them and what was going on in their lives, I wasn't able to be there or to be present. They made me realize that I had become "that person" - the one I never wanted to be. There are still a couple of conversations that need to happen, some friendships that need to be patched, but it feels good to be heading in that direction. There are few things as humbling as realizing that people are willing to go through all parts of life right beside you.

I also recently had to make an incredibly tough decision in another area of my life. You know how they say that doing the right thing isn't easy? I am convinced that it gets less easy as you get older. There's more at stake, there's more to take into consideration. Even the right decisions involve a certain amount of unavoidable pain, and even if you are doing someone a favor, it might take some time before they are able to realize it. My friend has told me that I am a Summer Finn, and my only response is that no one wants to be that.

Another work week starts tomorrow. More deadlines, more evening plans, more books to read, and two new notebooks to fill. There are more open windows and rainy spring evenings ahead. More tough conversations, more vulnerability, more cups of tea with friends. More decisions to make. And more of me is feeling like it's still all going to be ok.

It's better if it glows

A week after being stricken and I am still battling the Never Ending Flu. I have thought I was better at least three times now, only to be back on the couch (or wishing I was) an hour later. It went from feverish, to head cold, to now a chest cold. I have consumed my weight in Ricola at least once by now.

Despite the NEF, it's been a decent week. I worked a ton, but I also saw two shows, made a new friend, and spent an entire day with my favorite people.

On Thursday, I saw Vetiver, who put on a great show. The band was adorable and talented - hard to beat that, really. The opening bands held their own, too, which I find to be strangely rare. One of the bands even had (are you ready?) a glowing banjo. I swear it sounded better.

On Friday I saw Horse Feathers. While they were incredibly talented, there was never a change of pace. Just when a song started to really build, it ended. I was, however, really impressed with the opening band Saintseneca. While their songs were short, they were also fantastic. If you get a chance to see them, you most definitely should.

After a busy week, I had the rare chance to spend time with two ladies that will always be sisters to me. It's nice to be around the people that know you and love you the most even after years, babies, jobs, marriages, tough times, and good times have changed everything else. Sometimes, you just need to be around those people to make sense of the changes.

Instead of losing an hour of sleep I came home and got twelve blissful, dead to the world, buried under piles of blankets, hours of sleep. For the record, I've never slept that much, ever. Oh sleep, how you've been missed.

Tomorrow starts another week. Hope you all have a great start!

Fun facts

Work done in one day > hours of sleep in two nights

Actual "meals" eaten this week: 1 (unless you want to count things like cereal and granola bars, and I don't)

Average bedtime: 1:15 am

Average wake-up time: 6:40 am

Average weather: it's trying to be sunny and warm

Average mood: Surly/loopy

I have been fighting this bug for: 5 days

I want to sleep for: 1 whole beautiful week

Swirling

It would figure that my first real day in my new place is due to a respectable bout of the flu. I started getting a sore throat yesterday afternoon and a couple of hours later I was curled up on my couch. Despite taking medicine last night, I was awake all night and when I woke up, my plaster walls were swirling. I kid you not: swirling. Like I said, it's respectable.

This is really my first day off of work and it feels strange. Most of the people I work with come in sick because there is so much work to be done. That's fine, but that's also why I'm sick right now - this seems to be making its rounds in my office. I figure that this is my body's way of getting back at me for last week, when I worked more than 40 hours before Thursday. My body was less than thrilled.

Pre-sickness, I had a great weekend. I spent time with friends and family, found one of the greatest hidden gems in town, did some shopping, and worked on the new place. I have introduced my mom to the wonders of IKEA, for better or worse. I finally saw the movie Whip It and briefly considered being a Roller Girl as my night gig. One look at the website convinced me that I could be broken in half and should probably stick to art classes or working with the elderly or something.

It's finally sunny and light is pouring in through all of my windows. My little plants are stretching and growing like crazy. They would be letting out little stretching groans if they could. If I'm going to be sick, at least I get a pretty day to admire from my couch.

Hope all is well out there. Enjoy the sunshine if you have it!