Saturday, January 3, 2009

"...held breath is the ultimate withholding; you're not taking anything in, you're not putting anything out."
--Ann Lamott

I have spent the past two days in a self-induced exile from reality. This has included sleeping in, baking, reading magazines, watching movies, and watching the rest of season one of Pushing Daisies. I stayed in my pajamas all day on Thursday, which is just as rare for me as sleeping in. 

I do not enjoy being lazy. I don't like sleeping in because I feel like I have lost an enjoyable and important part of my day. I don't like crashing on the couch for hours because usually, nothing productive comes from it. I like to be dressed, even if I'm not going anywhere. I like to feel like I have used my time and lived it.

These past two days have been about recharging. When I tense up or get too busy or lose myself a little too much, I hold my breath (literally and figuratively). I go on a mental autopilot. It becomes harder for me to really invest in relationships and give people the time and energy they deserve. My creativity levels hit rock bottom, and the motivation levels take an equally hard hit. I think a lot of us kind of go around in this stage and I think our culture makes it easy to exist this way for quite a while. We are neither giving or taking.

Inspired by the creativity of others (Pushing Daisies is one of the smartest, most creative things I've seen in a while)(Tina Fey has a nice way of balancing dry humor), I feel like I can breathe a little easier. For instance, I have rediscovered a few things that I really like: very certain shades of green, vintage dresses, dark red lipstick, really dark, dry, biting humor, patterns, fixing botched recipes, being on "the career track" and not "the marriage track" at the moment, being girly now and then, black and white films, friendly strangers, simplicity.

These past two days have also been a wake up call. It's time to snap out of autopilot and, as my friend would say, own it. Own all of it. My quirks, loves, and flaws. Then, do something with those things. Share them, use them, make something with them. Write more, paint more, bake more, love more, rest more, breathe more.

Check it: 

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