Goodbye

After quite a while spent here, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Both this and my personal site will be shutting down as I head in all new directions. If you are interested in following along, please leave me a comment with your email address (yourname at host dot com), and I will get you the new information. Thanks for sharing in the journey all this time!

Waiting and weightless

"Did you ever even try?"
"Oh God, yes. I prayed to be changed, to be made different"
"That's not trying, that's waiting to be stopped."

This conversation jumped out to me recently from the most unlikely of places: Dexter. After seeing articles about finding truth in television and then seeing the angry backlash when secular shows are highlighted as examples, I can't help but feel that this only backs up the argument that truth can be found in the most unlikely and sometimes unattractive places. In this case, as one serial killer talks to another before he kills him.

For the record, this isn't saying that I don't believe in prayer - I'm saying that you have to take responsibility for things. Religion isn't a magic cure for everything. It's a relationship system. Somehow, that's been amazingly skewed.

This has been a weird week. Keyword: traumatic. A suicide and bank robbery both entered the world of people I care about. I'm currently in the process of packing up to fly off for a few days, leaving all of it behind. As people continue praying here, I guess I'm just hoping that people will take those prayers a step further and follow up with an action. Send a card, seek help, talk to one another. Life is rough, we have to watch out for another.

The thing is...

Sorry. I haven't posted anything for a while. The thing is, I have these amazing evenings now, and they aren't spent in an office. Sometimes they are spent on walks, or maybe watching my favorite movies, or maybe even on coloring nights, because even adults need those 96 colors of crayons now and then.

I officially have a full-time job and I officially rarely stay late. I have a new gym that is pretty awesome. I have friends and a boyfriend that are totally awesome. Life is good and I'm enjoying it right now. I hope you can all say the same thing. Call someone, go outside, do something nice for no reason, or buy a big box of crayons. For goodness sake, enjoy it!

Lolla 2010: The List

I'm back and recovering from both Lolla and starting a new job. This is the first night I am not working, crammed into the middle of thousands of screaming and sweating people, or sitting in a small car with two others and enough luggage to collectively last us a month. I am sprawled appropriately.

Instead of telling every detail of the trip (I don't feel like writing it right now and you probably don't ever feel like reading it), I'm going to do a post in mostly lists and summaries. Enjoy!

WHO I SAW/HEARD
The Walkmen
Jukebox the Ghost
Mavis Staples (+ Jeff Tweedy)
American Bang
Ana Sia
The Big Pink
The New Pornographers
The Black Keys
Wild Beasts
Stars
The XX
Dawes
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Cut Copy
Phoenix
Dodos (+Neko Case!)
Mumford and Sons
Mutemath
MGMT
The National ( +Richard of Arcade Fire)
Arcade Fire

WHO I LOVED
New Pornographers (just a solid set)
Black Keys (always, always good)
Stars (I've waited three years to see them live!)
Cut Copy (biggest dance party)
Mumford and Sons (happiest; awesome performance)
The National (Matt walked through the crowd, was close enough to touch)
Arcade Fire (it's Arcade Fire, c'mon)

BEST CROWD/WORST CROWD
Mumford and Sons or Cut Copy/Edwarde Sharpe or MGMT

WEIRDEST CROWDS
Lady Gaga and Gogol Bordello (wow)

FESTIVAL SIGHTS
Drunk girls vomiting at the exit
A Viking
A full Indian head dress
A guy in a quilted, corduroy, floor-length skirt
Girls in just bras
A pink man
The green guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
More hipsters than I ever want to see in my life ever

WHERE WE ATE
Eleven Diner (love!)
Lula's Cafe (awesome vibe and food)
Jamba Juice (food poisoning)
Giordano's (oh man)
Argo Tea (great little morning stop)
Ina's (love!)

DETOURS IN CHICAGO
Suck

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN CHICAGO
Is awesome

MILES WALKED
One million

HOURS IN MY CAR
It felt like eight days

TIMES YELLED AT BY OLD MEN IN THEIR UNDERWEAR
One

TIMES I FELT LIKE STABBING SOMEONE
No comment

VISIBLE BATTLE WOUNDS
8

FINAL VERDICT FOR LOLLAPALOOZA 2010
Awesome

Calm before and after: Storms

A great day followed by a great night. Storms are rolling in (the sky is staying lit up by all the lightning at this point) and I am safe and comfortable in my apartment, settling in to watch it all. I was able to meet up with everyone from my now previous job as well some friends that I have known for the past few years. There's a real sense of closure to it all.

I start my new job on Tuesday morning, but between now and then I will have a roadtrip, Chicago, and Lollapalooza in all its loud, sweaty, crowded glory. I can't wait. What was concert season last year has turned into vacation season this year, and this weekend kicks it all off. All of my trips are already paid for and have been approved at the new gig, so some major traveling and relaxing are in my very near future.

Until then, what looks like a wild storm is about to close one chapter and get me ready for the next...

Lolla

In other and brighter news, let me just point out that I am leaving for Chicago and Lollapalooza and all the beauty that they both possess in a mere four days. That's right. I will finally see Stars, live. And Arcade Fire. And....yeah. Updates will absolutely be provided!

No More Kool-Aid

Since my last post, a few people have contacted me wanting to know more about what's going on. There are a lot of ways I could respond. The past nine months have been challenging and frustrating. A lot has happened that shouldn't have, and I'm walking away much wiser than when I started.

If you treat people well they will stay, and if you don't, they will leave. That is what a lot of my decision comes down to. I can put up with a lot, and take a lot, but at some point I have to question if it's worth it. After nine months of canceled plans, late nights, rough days, broken promises, and some blatantly bad situations, I have decided to walk away from what I initially thought was a good thing. To say that I will be happy when this chapter is over is an understatement.

When you have a handful of people in one room, and one of them stops drinking the Kool-Aid, you have a problem. As the non-drinker in the room, it has been interesting to see puzzle pieces fall into place and to see the ripple effect of my decision. I know a lot, I'm unhappy, I know a lot of people, and therefore, I am a threat. Silence is golden, and this whole ordeal has really opened my eyes to this: I'm basically being paid to be quiet right now. A whole campaign is set to be announced at the same time that I leave. It's all very bizarre to watch.

I have three days left, then I am heading out of town for a much needed break from everything. I'll listen to concerts for days and ride trains and laugh so very much. I can't think of a better way to start a new chapter.

Great Escape

And just like that, I'm looking at job postings again. Getting my life back. Wondering what took me this long.

I Know

I know.
What do you know?
I know everything. I know everything.

This is the dialogue from a scene in Happily Ever After, a French movie I stumbled upon a little while ago. The delivery of these lines, specifically the last one, is dead on.

And tonight, I'm there. I've been enlightened. Almost three hours of conversation has left me almost nauseous with the reality of what I know and what I am dealing with. It also makes me slightly excited. You can do a lot with knowledge - especially when no one knows you have it. Game on.

Road trippin', round 1

I just got back from a much needed mini-vacation and road trip. I had an awesome friend, weather, music, hotel, food, spa, and experience. Instead of telling all kinds of vacation stories, I'm just going to share a few photos to sum up the trip. Hope everyone is having an awesome 4th weekend!

Things You Can't Unsee

As we all too often say in our office, there are just some things you can't unsee. This weekend verified this statement more than I had wished it would.

Our office party was Thursday and really set off the weekend. The whole invite and theme was based on drinking, so I knew this going to end with half of the room being a hot mess. I didn't expect quite as many people to show up, and easily over half of the room was completely trashed. My fellow sober buddies and I discovered two all-too-convenient Nerf guns and entertained ourselves for a good two hours. At least one person slept in their lawn that night, and we had to stop one person from calling the intern (a client's daughter, at that) to inform her that she was a slut. Seriously, people.

This weekend kicked off yet another Comfest. It's a free festival in a park downtown that draws hippies and potheads from around the world. Or, it's a "Community Festival". We went one night after dinner. To be fair, I was already tired and had put in a long day that followed a long week. A few minutes in I felt something wet hit me in the dark and I was ready to leave. The smell of pot was overwhelming, everyone was drunk and slurring, and I had already seen three sets of painted boobs. I know that this is a great way to catch local bands, but I have a really hard time getting into it. In the eyes of most people here, not liking this event makes an evil terrorist, not worthy of living in this town. To each his own, I guess?

The rest of my weekend was spent with friends, one of which will be leaving town in a matter of days. I've known this person longer than anyone else I met here, and we've been through some pretty good and bad times together. I'm excited and sad at the same time. This weekend did offer some really great opportunities for us to catch up, talk, hang out a few good times. Tonight, I will be picking up several items I am buying from him. No more mattress on the floor or eating at the computer for this girl!

A slow day at work. Cloudy outside, freezing inside. I'm practically hugging this godsend cup of tea in front of me and wondering why we are listening to French elevator music. Hello, Monday.

Where'd you get your name from

Sometimes, remembering where you came from means making a trip back. Such was the case this weekend as I drove to visit one of my favorite people. There is just no place like a grandparents' home. I love hearing my grandma's stories about how she grew up, met my grandpa, became an army wife, and raised four kids. Her life is so interesting and so different from the life I find myself in, and I think that's why I appreciate it so much. She comes from another world that I have the utmost respect for.

I'm starting on my summer road trips and couldn't be more happy. The open road, my new little car, and my favorite people on the other side of those miles. I'm hoping to take a day off and travel to one of my favorite little places down south soon. Chicago in all its glory is coming up and I am counting down the days for that trip. Hopefully this year involves significantly less stress than last year.

In other news, I am currently black and blue over various parts of my body. I love it. I joined a local Fight Club and I'm taking the fundamentals class. It's a contact class, and since they know me and know I can take the hits, they are a little more comfortable actually hitting me. My ice pack is getting a lot more attention, and I am able to walk into work wearing my bruises ever so proudly. On a funny side note, this class served as a couple of date nights. Nothing like punching each other to really set the mood. Now, if only my running schedule could go as well as these classes...

And on that note, the morning is coming up and bringing an early make-up run with it. Have a fantastic week!

Observations on a very good day

:: I started a new running program and the first day was a wild success. I would rather be punched repeatedly than run, so this is saying a lot. Day 2 is either Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'm actually (gasp!) looking forward to it.

:: I woke up to yet another tornado warning (third? one this week), snuggled down into the covers, and woke up to a most beautiful and perfect day. Fluffy clouds, blue skies, sunshine, and a nice breeze. My run was followed by a drive, a walk, and some outside reading.

:: There are a few people that I see around all the time. Out of these, there are a few that I am dying to meet. Today, I can finally mark one off the list! There is a guy who has really interesting hair, clothes and, in my mind, a really interesting life. He's either brilliant or crazy or both, I think. Today, on my walk, I stopped to grab tea and he happened to be inside. He asked me about my hair and I almost felt honored. Then, we had a whole conversation about my hair color (it's black, purple and red) and how he liked it because it was both subtle and unique. We are going to be bff's before you know it.

:: I am noticing that people downtown very rarely go over to apartments and homes to socialize. If that happens, it's usually a big deal or for a big event. This makes me kind of sad. We all go out to eat, or grab coffee, or grab tea or whatever when we probably don't even want the food/drink. I feel like a lot is lost when people stop sharing homes. There is a certain comfort, safety and belonging that is unique and slowly fading. I believe I see a new goal ahead.

:: I'm trying to refocus on finding a balance that has been missing for a while. So far, this has involved more time with friends, more time with books, saying no to more events, calling my grandmas on the phone, reconnecting with my friends that are many miles away, and painting my nails once a week (and taking my nice long time to do so!). I recommend all of these things.

:: Life is short and a lot more simple than we allow it to be on a daily basis.

*Photo by the amazing Jess Gough. Check her out!

Killer week

You know how some days feel like a beating? And you know how sometimes those days all gang up and attack in one week? That's exactly how this week was. Three 16-hour days, no art director, no creative director, no project manager, a copywriter that had been with our company for one day, one emotional rollercoaster that doesn't even make sense, and the biggest project I've been on thus far. Despite the severe beating, I am proud to report that this girl fought back has now re-branded her first TV station and survived.

The week was rough, but has turned into a most excellent and beautiful weekend. I had a nice long talk with my boss on Friday and then left early for a hair appointment. I had a near-perfect dinner with my favorite people (it even ended with espresso and a tiramisu-like dessert). I went kayaking with parents, followed by a delicious grilled meal and nice walk with my favorite dog in the world. Today, my sunburned self has been decidedly lazy while working on projects around my apartment. Also, it's been storming and pouring rain all day. That's all the justification I need to just stay inside.

It's been a lot more difficult to justify the hours I put in at work lately. I know that it's part of the business, and that this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and that I will have an awesome portfolio. I get all of that and I appreciate all of it. That said, when you don't talk to family friends for days, when you have skipped several meals, when you are going home to sleep for a few hours a night before doing it all again...it's just not as easy to justify. My boss has assured that things are changing, and I believe him because we're already seeing the change, but some weeks I wonder just how much longer I can stay with this schedule...

I'm going to finish out my lazy evening with a movie and what sounds like another storm approaching. Happy Memorial Day, all!

*Image in honor of my city's annual zombie walk, where hundreds of people dress up like zombies and walk downtown to collect food for the hungry. I love this.

Shift

After sitting in the same chair, working for 36 of the past 48 hours, I am realizing that I am not ok with this. This could be where things get interesting.

Sighing so much more

All the windows have been thrown open, birds are in a frenzy, and my apartment is cleaner than it has been in weeks. It's been so nice to be home for a whole day and a half!

I managed to catch two shows this week: Metric and Mumford and Sons. The two couldn't be more different, but they each held their own.

I saw Metric just last year and was blown away by the energy of Emily Haines, who hopped, kicked, lunged, and rocked out the entire time. On top the energy, she was wearing a silver sequined dress that basically sealed my love of all things sparkly (you had better believe that if I ever find a dress like that, it will be mine). This week's show was still great, but it had a completely different energy than the last time I saw them. Quite frankly, they look exhausted. The talked exhausted. They skipped the encore hoopla and played another song (more bands need to do this!) before exiting the stage. In a way, I respected them more for this. They played an acoustic version of Combat Baby that, to me, fit the night more than anything they did.

(*Side note: I totally watched them make a Starbucks run at the place right outside my window the next morning. "Oh, look, isn't that Emily Haines...")

Last night's sold out Mumford and Sons show was unique before it even started. People were offering $200 on Craigslist as far back as two weeks ago - and no one was selling. Last night, I had to walk through a desperate crowd, begging to pay me whatever I asked for my ticket. I'm so glad I didn't sell out. The four boys from the U.K. put one a show that easily makes my top 3 of all time. The openers, The Middle East, put on a great opening act and then joined Mumford later in an 11 person hopping, whooping, banging jam session that had everyone in the crowd literally dancing and jumping along. Between songs, the guys were actually really funny and talked quite a bit. They also played two new songs that make me think that their next album is going to be just as stellar as their first. If they are playing within a few hours of you and the show isn't sold out, get a ticket!

In other news, I'm rebranding a local TV station this week. As, starting tomorrow and due to the client on Thursday. Me, the girl who gets zero channels. Our creative director left last week and more work and responsibility has fallen on my plate. Great opportunities and learning experiences are ahead. I'm starting to get a little tired from the constant work and stress, so I'm hoping to make a push through this week and then enjoy an unheard of four (four!) whole days to use as I please. Just. One. More. Week.

Hope it's as sunny there as it is here. Enjoy your Sunday!

Let's Do This

Ohmygoodness Ohmygoodness. I am going to see these guys tonight. At an art party. With a photo booth. And costumes. In a three-story Victorian house. Holla. Back. Now.

Trapeze swinger

Tonight, instead of going to a show at planned (Local Natives, in case you were curious), I sat at home and read the first book the Scott Pilgrim series. Every ounce of nerdgirl in me was thrilled by this. Here I am, book read and ready to fall asleep at 10:30 on a Wednesday night. It's boring. I'll take it.

Tomorrow, I am going to an event that features the city's best restaurants. This event is held in one of the coolest buildings in town and I'm really excited to check it out. The only issue: what do I wear?! And will that outfit allow to eat as much as humanly possibly and still look remotely classy?!

Friday involves an art party. Friday or Saturday. One night is a patron preview and one is an all-out art party with the artists and the city's best DJ's. We'll see how the week plays out...

I decided to take one for the team and volunteered to work an event with my company on Sunday. This involves going back to the lovely hills where I grew up. I'm carpooling with a guy from work that makes me laugh nonstop and I'm taking him on a tour of the town after the event. The accents! The town! It will be a night of many stories, I'm sure.

All of these events happen and I honestly just find myself at them. I rarely aim to attend most of them. I don't have some event wardrobe (more like a closet full of clothing anxiety waiting to happen), high-profile job, or special event budget. I invite people to events, they return the favor. People think I have some glamorous life when really, I am more like the kid lost at the grocery store who wanders into the circus. I'm fortunate, and I love the experiences I am able to have, but I am most happy with my best friend, my oldest jeans, and warm tea. If anyone wants to envy any part of my life, I would think it would be wisest to envy those quiet moments.

Despite the hectic schedule, I've really been able to focus more on my friends and family lately and it's been a nice change. So I miss a few shows. Hanging out with my best friends is better. I spent some time at home over the weekend, got to see my family. I'm hoping for not only a visit to my grandma's, but maybe even a weekend trip (!) soon. Oh, I can only hope.

So much rain here. Perfect night to not. leave. my. house.

*Side note: The circus is in town and they have taken over the lot next my office. You don't even know how tempted I am to sneak in and run away with the circus for a good year. My life may not be complete until I have done this.

The Whole Wide World

Oh my. It's been almost a month since I last updated. How did that happen?

In the month that has passed, I have been working a lot and loving it all. For a company that started just over a year ago, we have gone from three original people to soon-to-be 13. I could tell you a bunch of numbers right now. How many hours I just worked in one day, or how many projects are in my task list (your jaw would hit the floor), or even how many thiswillonlytakeasecond quick projects are thrown into the mix every day. I could also tell you how many people were there late with me (most of them), how many hours they also worked, how many days we brought in breakfast for each other, how many hours our lunch was on Friday, or how many times "thank you" was spoken this week. Add the number of times we made our clients happy to that whole mix and you have a pretty good place to be.

While my concert visits have dropped significantly, I did catch Broken Social Scene. Not only did I catch a BSS show, I caught a BSS show that had a grand total of about 150 people there. Total. Sure, the acoustics were so bad that Kevin had to put his sweatshirt over his head to block out the echo. And maybe they had to signal the beat to one another because the echo was so absolutely horrible. This, my friends, is why quality earplugs are key - they block that stuff out for you. Despite the unfortunate conditions, they put on a great show, joked with the audience, joked about the conditions, and just played around. To add to the weirdness of the night, the openers were none other than Ghostface Killah and Milkman. Not even making that up.

I've been on a winning streak as of late. I got the chance to attend a hair fashion show earlier this week and that was a nice change from my usual music circuit. A lot of the show was done by students from a local beauty school, but there were still some really fun and impressive sets in there. VIP bebe. A couple of days later I won two tickets to a Pearl Jam show. I personally would rather be kicked in the head repeatedly than attend, but my best friend (who I do not judge for this) loves them and was a happy recipient of the two comp tickets. Paying it forward is the only way to go.

A lot of my time recently has been spent with the amazing friends who put up with my weird hours. One of my favorite people is about to have a baby anysecondnow - all the way overseas. She had the fantastic idea of having people over here put together a playlist for the big event. Oh how I wish I could be over there. Another good friend of mine just informed me that she will be moving here in the fall and I couldn't be happier. We were roommates at one point and she is simply a lovely person. Lollapalooza (or Pitchfork...?) is right around the bend, as is a visit to a certain friend out west. Having friends all over the country (/world) is tough, but it's always so exciting when we find ourselves in the same place!

Hopefully I will be back here before another passes us by. Have a fantastic weekend.

Soft Shock

The past couple of weeks have been...interesting. I'll start with the bad and go to the good. I want you to leave here happy.

Death needs to chill out for a while. I lost my dog and my Grandpa one week apart. Even when you know it's coming, death still has a shock to it. I'm lucky to work in an amazing place, with some of the best people you can imagine. I haven't really told everyone I work with what is going on, but the few people that know have gone out of their way to be supportive and just plain awesome. My boss even surprised me and ordered me these:















That's right - special edition Emily the Strange Jones soda. My dark little heart was bursting with design joy. My friends have also been amazingly supportive. I'm feeling overly fortunate this week. So much love.

Oh, and I got these:



















My office was abuzz with the deliveries I got yesterday. If ever in doubt, yes, send your girl flowers at work. Major points, fellas.

Just to illustrate how strange it's been, I was standing in the middle of a Tegan + Sara show when I got the news about my dog. Two girls were making out in front of me, two were making out behind me, Tegan + Sara were putting on an amazing show, and I was arranging the burial plans for my dog. That (luckily) does not happen every day.

Speaking of shows, I managed to hit quite a few last week. Starting with my favorites:

1: Joanna Newsom
Amazing, amazing show. Live, she is just beautiful and incredibly talented. If she is close, pay whatever they ask and see her!

2: The XX
I love The XX even more now. While they kept the show simple, they changed things up and added drama with some of the best lights I've seen. They were just genuinely good. While the first opener, Nosaj Thing, blew us all away (seriously, check the guy out), the second opener jj was by far the strangest act I've seen. So.much.drugs.

3: Tegan and Sara
A fun albeit interesting show. The girls are talented and authentic - switching instruments, talking to the crowd, putting on a good show. They thankfully played a lot of older songs and ended with my favorite, Living Room.

4: Temper Trap
Fun show, high energy. The lead singer moves like Michael Jackson. They ended by pouring water on a floor tom and going wild. The water went out into the crowd, up to the ceiling. Quite the sight.

5: David Bazan
I loved him and his band and their plain, stretched t-shirts. They want you to cry and drink, I think, and you still like them for it. I was happy to hear a couple of Pedro the Lion songs sneak their way into the set.

6: Passion Pit
Glow sticks. So many glowsticks. This was a fun show, but I felt like the venue was too big to really enjoy the spastic energy. One of my favorite parts was the three old (gray hair) women getting down beside us. They danced so much more than I did.

So, life has been interesting. That might be a boring way to put it, but that is about as accurate as it gets. And I'm ok with that right now. Today, the sun is shining after two rainy and cold days. I'm cleaning and organizing, finally hanging things on my walls, and enjoying a fun playlist from The Blisslist, who always has cheerful noises to offer (and whose playlist just inspired the name for this post). May life never fail to be interesting...

On and on

The peaceful rain in my last post turned to ice, then snow. It's the end of March and I have a bright green, grassy front yard and a white, snow-covered back yard. When you live in Ohio, you just stop trying to understand life.

It was another busy week at work, but changes are on the horizon. I'm meeting with my boss this week to just talk over my workload, performance, etc. One thing I've learned from this job is total responsibility. If I'm doing something wrong, I need to find out what it is and change that. No time for egos or hurt feelings at this point. If someone else is doing something wrong and I don't ask questions or change it, I'm just as responsible. This requires some stressful weeks and tough conversations. Hello, adulthood. I'm hoping that this talk will make these 50+ hour weeks either a thing of the past or fewer in number, at the very least.

Yesterday I spoke to a group of design seniors at my old University. It was a strange thing to go back. It was also a strange moment of realizing how far I've come. Even though I have miles and miles (and miles) to go before I get "there", it's good to know I'm here, far from those scary, naive first years.

This weekend began an impressive week of concerts. Temper Trap put on one awesome show on Friday. Throw water on a floor tom, move like Michael Jackson, and put on a show like that and you have me. Tonight is possibly David Bazan w/Headlights, tomorrow is Joanna Newsom w/Robin Pecknold (of Fleet Foxes), Tuesday is Tegan + Sara, and Thursday is Fanfarlo. And thus ends any chance of sleep or hearing past the age of 30.

Here not there

A rainy Thursday. The first night I've been home this week. Rain is running slowly down the window next to me, the one right above the radiator. A tree is rocking in the wind every now and then. Calexico is playing quite nicely with the sounds of the rain and the radiators. Happy to be right here tonight.

More

I know that I typically tend to present a fairly optimistic and happy outlook on this blog. Honestly, that is how I tend to approach life. I have a good life. Still, I am human, and that I have a normal good/bad balance in my life. As quite a few of you reading this are close friends in far away places, I feel ok about opening up and being a little more candid about what's going on.

I have recently hurt a lot of people that I care about. None of it was intentional, but it still happened and they were still hurt. I'm lucky to have the amazing kind of friends who want to talk through things and work through the hard stuff.

As much as I love my job, it was really taking a toll. Either I couldn't spend time with the people I care about, or I was with them and in total zombie-mode. What came across as uncaring and distanced was really just stress and exhaustion. While I still cared deeply about them and what was going on in their lives, I wasn't able to be there or to be present. They made me realize that I had become "that person" - the one I never wanted to be. There are still a couple of conversations that need to happen, some friendships that need to be patched, but it feels good to be heading in that direction. There are few things as humbling as realizing that people are willing to go through all parts of life right beside you.

I also recently had to make an incredibly tough decision in another area of my life. You know how they say that doing the right thing isn't easy? I am convinced that it gets less easy as you get older. There's more at stake, there's more to take into consideration. Even the right decisions involve a certain amount of unavoidable pain, and even if you are doing someone a favor, it might take some time before they are able to realize it. My friend has told me that I am a Summer Finn, and my only response is that no one wants to be that.

Another work week starts tomorrow. More deadlines, more evening plans, more books to read, and two new notebooks to fill. There are more open windows and rainy spring evenings ahead. More tough conversations, more vulnerability, more cups of tea with friends. More decisions to make. And more of me is feeling like it's still all going to be ok.

It's better if it glows

A week after being stricken and I am still battling the Never Ending Flu. I have thought I was better at least three times now, only to be back on the couch (or wishing I was) an hour later. It went from feverish, to head cold, to now a chest cold. I have consumed my weight in Ricola at least once by now.

Despite the NEF, it's been a decent week. I worked a ton, but I also saw two shows, made a new friend, and spent an entire day with my favorite people.

On Thursday, I saw Vetiver, who put on a great show. The band was adorable and talented - hard to beat that, really. The opening bands held their own, too, which I find to be strangely rare. One of the bands even had (are you ready?) a glowing banjo. I swear it sounded better.

On Friday I saw Horse Feathers. While they were incredibly talented, there was never a change of pace. Just when a song started to really build, it ended. I was, however, really impressed with the opening band Saintseneca. While their songs were short, they were also fantastic. If you get a chance to see them, you most definitely should.

After a busy week, I had the rare chance to spend time with two ladies that will always be sisters to me. It's nice to be around the people that know you and love you the most even after years, babies, jobs, marriages, tough times, and good times have changed everything else. Sometimes, you just need to be around those people to make sense of the changes.

Instead of losing an hour of sleep I came home and got twelve blissful, dead to the world, buried under piles of blankets, hours of sleep. For the record, I've never slept that much, ever. Oh sleep, how you've been missed.

Tomorrow starts another week. Hope you all have a great start!

Fun facts

Work done in one day > hours of sleep in two nights

Actual "meals" eaten this week: 1 (unless you want to count things like cereal and granola bars, and I don't)

Average bedtime: 1:15 am

Average wake-up time: 6:40 am

Average weather: it's trying to be sunny and warm

Average mood: Surly/loopy

I have been fighting this bug for: 5 days

I want to sleep for: 1 whole beautiful week

Swirling

It would figure that my first real day in my new place is due to a respectable bout of the flu. I started getting a sore throat yesterday afternoon and a couple of hours later I was curled up on my couch. Despite taking medicine last night, I was awake all night and when I woke up, my plaster walls were swirling. I kid you not: swirling. Like I said, it's respectable.

This is really my first day off of work and it feels strange. Most of the people I work with come in sick because there is so much work to be done. That's fine, but that's also why I'm sick right now - this seems to be making its rounds in my office. I figure that this is my body's way of getting back at me for last week, when I worked more than 40 hours before Thursday. My body was less than thrilled.

Pre-sickness, I had a great weekend. I spent time with friends and family, found one of the greatest hidden gems in town, did some shopping, and worked on the new place. I have introduced my mom to the wonders of IKEA, for better or worse. I finally saw the movie Whip It and briefly considered being a Roller Girl as my night gig. One look at the website convinced me that I could be broken in half and should probably stick to art classes or working with the elderly or something.

It's finally sunny and light is pouring in through all of my windows. My little plants are stretching and growing like crazy. They would be letting out little stretching groans if they could. If I'm going to be sick, at least I get a pretty day to admire from my couch.

Hope all is well out there. Enjoy the sunshine if you have it!

I (kind of) moved

I'm all moved into my fabulous new place and have loved the few moments I've had to enjoy it. Yay, 12 hour days. Yay, brand guidelines. Yay, weirdest diet ever (the designer diet is beyond strange, if you weren't aware). Hope everyone is having a lovely week and staying warm and dry. I'll have internet in the new place by Friday (and hopefully a few minutes to use it).

Also: I have the best parents and best friend. They helped me move in the wind, ice, snow, and slush. Eight million gold stars!

The show did not go on

Right now it is partly sunny. As in, there is actual sunshine coming in through my windows. You can't imagine how huge this is - we've just gone weeks without sunshine over here. My poor little jade plant is dying/dead, I believe. We have three days of rain followed by three days of snow coming our way, so I am going to enjoy every hint of sunshine I can get right now.

*This just in* My grandma just added me as a friend on Facebook. I am now friends with both grandmas. On Facebook.

It has been an interesting music week, to say the least. Last weekend I saw Langhorne Slim, who put on a surprisingly upbeat show. He was great live, and if you get a chance, you really should check him out.

An interesting situation occurred during the excellent Langhorne show. Let me state, first and foremost, that I do not blame Mr. Blair. I distinctly remember him being shoved across the room...forcefully. While watching the show, it was brought to my attention that I was standing shoulder to shoulder with the drummer of the Black Keys. While this is cool, I've found that being a drummer doesn't really mean someone is a great person. I brushed it off as a cool coincidence and went back to watching the show. Unfortunately, some people we were with had other ideas, so not only did they leave me, they took my wingman with them. When the-guy-who-was-not-actually-the-drummer started talking to me, there were eruptions of giggles and commands to leave with him (uh, obviously these women don't know me...). So, I spent the evening talking to a nice guy, missing most of the show, and leaving early with a migraine. Hurrah. But Langhorne was good.

Another excellent show was thwarted last night due to contract issues. St. Vincent, who is on my "must see" list, came through town and I was practically giddy about finally seeing her live. In a strange turn of events, the show was canceled about 30 minutes before it was supposed to start. The shady part of it all was that the venue made people stand outside, in the snow, without telling them it had been canceled. Then, they let everyone in and still never announced that the show was off. I announced to everyone in line that the show had officially been canceled. I think I killed the souls of the few people that believed me last night. It kind of reminded me of her video, actually:



In other news, I move next weekend! My horrible neighbors have been moving out for about three days now (how long does it take?!). There was some kind of fight at about 2:30 this morning, but it wasn't even long enough to call the police over. Just, you know, long enough to wake me up at 2:30 with angry yelling. My stuff is mostly packed up at this point and I'm just hoping for decent weather on the big day. Also, have I mentioned that I'm excited about my new place?!

For now, a lazy Sunday looms ahead. I will very possibly be enjoying the following music:

Mumford and Sons: Sigh No More
Joanna Newsom: Have One on Me
Marina and the Diamonds: The Family Jewels

Pack, tape, label

*mid packing break*

Yep, two weeks to go and I am officially packing up my life. Because of my cliche working single girl lifestyle, my kitchen has been packed. Coffee, tea, and the stuff to make cereal has been left out. The good thing about moving so soon from a significantly smaller apartment is that I really have very little to pack. Being unemployed for most of last year means that very little was purchased, and some stuff has essentially stayed packed because again, this place is kinda on the small side. I can thank a very sweet and generous blog friend for making this day possible.

I'm all moved into my new office now. It's a really cool space! It's just me and one other person until mid-week next week, so it's really quiet and echoing in there now. We do have a sweet stereo system set up, though. Also, it's very cold. Unbearably cold. I will never be warm again cold, in our office. It will be nice to have everyone in there, but I've kind of liked this week of just doing my thing and having some space.

In a few hours I'll be meeting up with my buddy (also a blog friend) and hitting the Langhorne Slim show. I was completely unaware of this Langhorne fellow until about a week ago, but word on the street is that he puts on a good live show. Because of the venue, it will be fun. Because of the venue, I'm really hoping I remember my earplugs...

Okay, back to packing. And maybe ice cream. Ice cream seems like a good way to balance packing, no?

Elbow room

I stopped doing yoga and I have no idea why. Having resumed it recently, I realized just how much good it does, and how much better I feel afterward. The gym (that I am paying for...) and the snow can shove it. My living room and some embarrassing workout music are doing just fine.

Tomorrow will be my first day in the new offices. It will just be me and one other person for a day or two, but it will be a good time to transition and just enjoy the new space. I've never been more excited to have elbow room before.

Moving homes is just around the corner and can't come fast enough. My neighbors woke me up at 2:30am, yelling and slamming until 3:00. It sounded a lot like:

Her: I just want to know that I can trust you.
Him: You can't trust me?! And I'm supposed to trust you? No, that hurts. You owe me an apology for even suggesting that you can't trust me. If you can't trust me, get out of my house.
*she starts crying, asking him to explain why he didn't call*he stomps around the apartment, returns*
Him: Look, my friend got arrested, I bailed him out, and he stayed with me. You happy?!
Her: Oh great. That's great.
Him: I have sh*y friends, ok? What am I supposed to do?

It went on like that, with more slamming and banging, for way too long. He told her to get out of her house at least two more times. They sound like a couple that should move in together, right?

In warmer, brighter and happier news, I'm planning a few summer trips and get-togethers and can't wait to see some familiar cities and faces. Also, music festivals watch out, because I am so headed your way.

You would think something happened

::Snow:
Yesterday, walking into work, coffee in hand, I started getting hit with ice. Not snow, not even a mix. Ice. The storm that was supposed to come at noon started promptly at 9 am and continued well after I went to bed by the look of things.

When it snows, people really freak out around here. I legitimately needed to go grocery shopping after work and couldn't find a parking space. I actually had to leave and go back later. The line for the movie rental box was the longest I've seen it. Businesses have been closed all weekend. Because you know, it doesn't snow several times a year around here.

Not wanting to be a wimpy Ohioan, I stuck with my plans to meet up with some friends for a movie night. There were several problems with this plan, obviously. First of all, a Mini Cooper is not a fan of a foot of snow. I found this out when I got to my friends' part of town and realized that they got a lot more snow and none of it had been cleared. The Mini and I continued. I had never been to their house, but I had my trusty GPS and some verbal instructions.

Only, all of the street signs and mailboxes were covered. And my GPS lost signal. I actually ended up making it to their street, but not wanting to be trapped, I headed home and spent my evening with French films and a delicious solo dinner.

::Work:
Work was crazy this week. Welcome to life at an ad agency. The people that I work with are awesome and make it (I daresay) kind of fun. Example: my art director and I like to shoot guns. We talked guns, ranges, and what kinds we liked (we both like a good 9mm). She sleeps with a gun under her pillow. How's that for girl power? Then we talked Depeche Mode. Then we talked about how awesome her bracelet was.

::Apartment:
My neighbors started the day out right (9 am) with a fight that ended with him leaning out the hallway window and screaming for her to come back. She came back a few hours later where an intense battle ensued. Apparently, he feels that if he pays rent, he can be as loud as he wants. His words, not mine, screamed at full volume mid-fight.

In other apartment news, I walked into my bathroom today and could smell the snow. Yes, that's how fantastic my windows are. I mentioned that I'm moving, right?

Suburban Ohio, you never cease to amaze.

::Music:
Charlotte Gainsbourg, IRM (esp. IRM, Trick Pony, Heaven Can Wait)
Delphic, Acolyte (new group of Manchester get a ton of buzz - you'll understand why)
Broken Bells, Broken Bells (collaboration between Danger Mouse and The Shins)
Laura Veirs, July Flame (just check out all of Laura Veirs albums, though)

Home

I have a new home. Or will, officially, on Saturday.

The new place is about twice as big as my current apartment, with a working fireplace and new windows. My current windows are so old that I've had to patch up the plastic a few times because it keeps getting blown in. Yep. Those days are almost over. Wood floors, tall ceilings, little cabinets everywhere.

Naturally, my nightmare neighbors are also moving out. Had I known that, I would have considered staying and just moving up (as in upstairs, not really up in the world because it would still be the same building). I thought about that, though, and I couldn't help but wonder how long it would take to get the smell of pot out of their walls. No thanks.

When I'm not as tired, and when I've had a better day, this will be terribly exciting. For now, I am stressed and about to hit the gym to fix that. A winter storm warning is trying to prevent this but I will win.

Let the countdown to home begin...

Recovery

I would be lying if I said that this week was fun, or that I remember most of it. It's been a week of deadlines at work and friends going through tough situations outside of work. Several friends are ending this week pretty stressed and battered. Also: no sleep.

Every morning I wake up and think, "Tonight, I will go to bed before midnight". Then it's 1 am and I'm totally still awake.

On the bright side, I met a new friend this week. It was one of those cases where two people hear so much about each other that by the time they meet, it's almost like they're already friends. We've started making group plans weeks in advance, and our next get-together involves waffles and Alice in Wonderland. As a bonus "cool factor", when the group is together, we will have one person named Starr and one name Emerald.

I've decided to hold off on Coachella. After staring at the lineup for a while, I realized that there were no bands on there that I was dying to see. Yeah, it's a great lineup, and I know that music is only part of the experience, but I would prefer to wait for a year when I've had some time to prepare a little more. Until then, I'll have to live vicariously through my friends Blair (whose countdown to Coachella is a must-read) and Cary who will totally represent. This will give me more money and time for shows and trips that I'd like to take very soon (hello Chicago, New York, and Liverpool!).

Now, with a weekend, a fun new project, new music, and apartment hunt to tackle, I'm going to step away and begin recovering from this week.

*Picture credit: Sally Mann

So much music

A music update is way, way past due. My apologies. What I consider to be "concert season" (aka, when the sun comes out) is coming up and this one promises to give last year a little competition. Here's a quick rundown of the shows coming up that I am either going to or considering going to:

January 29: Burglar
I haven't seen these guys live, but they promise to put on a good show. Channeling the days of dark cabarets and burlesque shows, and with some real local talent, I'm really excited to finally catch them!

February 9: Jemina Pearl
I wasn't a fan until I saw her live, but wow was she fun. I may not ever listen to her in my car, but the girl knows how to rock. I'm guessing that this will be great to see in one of my favorite dive bars.

February 20: St. Vincent

St. Vincent is one of those artist that I just can't help but like. Even if I didn't like her, I would still probably try. Maybe it's the whole vintage style, or maybe it's just her eclectic style in general. She'll be playing at a local goth bar, so even if the show disappoints, the venue will not.

March 4: Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

I was devastated to learn that this band had been in town only one day before I found their music. I fell for them immediately and now, a year later, I can't wait to see them live. Check out their single A Children's Crusade on Acid and you will understand completely. Or just watch the clip above and swoon.

March 29: Joanna Newsom

The high ticket price for this show (after Ticketmaster robs you with fees, about $50/ticket) has me doubting I'll be there, but I'm sure it's going to be great. While this is one artist that not everyone can appreciate, I find that her lyrics more than make up for her unusual voice. And hey, kudos for making it big by playing a harp.

March 30: Tegan + Sara
They were on the list, then off the list, and now they're back on the list again. It's taken a while, but I think I've finally come to terms with the new sound on their latest album. Plus, I've always wanted to see them live and I've missed the last three or four shows they played in town.

Tuesday, March 30 - Thursday, April 1:
Cincinnati's MusicNOW Festival
Okay, Cincinnati: who has a music festival in the middle of the week?! I would absolutely hand over the the mere $50 to see St. Vincent, Joanna Newsom AND Justin Vernon (aka Bon Iver) but alas, I am normal and work during the week. To top off the awesomeness of this event, all of the shows will be held in the historic Memorial Hall. So, if you're closer to Cincinnati than I am or have the freedom to just not work, please go and enjoy this for me.

April 5: The XX

One of my favorite new bands of 2009, I was more than happy to find out that The XX would be stopping in Columbus. There might have even been a shriek of joy involved. While I'm not expecting a thrilling show (just watch the video), there is something undeniably addicting about their music that will still give me a concert buzz.

Somewhere in the midst of this concert frenzy I will be heading to Coachella, but that requires an entry all its own...

Apartmentology

My apartment serves as a very telling representation of my week. Each room has its own story to tell, even the ones that haven't changed all week. What does my apartment say about this week?

:: Kitchen
The fact that my dishes haven't been done all week is the first indication that it's been busy. Upon closer inspection you would see that the sink contains only spoons, bowls, and glasses. This is because the only meal I've actually eaten at home all week has been breakfast. My fridge, mostly empty, has unopened food and half a gallon of orange juice. Usually, take-home boxes would also indicate a busy schedule but their absence shows an even busier week because they all just went straight to the fridge at work.

:: Living room
A blanket has laid in the same spot on the couch since last week. Random jackets are on top of the blanket as the result of a particularly rough fashion emergency. There are two issues of Nylon and one issue of Relevant, both waiting to even be opened. Firewood waits patiently to be burned. My plants need to be watered. Now.

:: Bathroom
You know it says something when the bathroom is the cleanest room because that means that is where I've spent the most time - getting ready to leave.

I've just spent an entire day writing, cleaning between entries and articles. Laundry is humming along in my terrifying basement below and more new music than I even know what to do with is being played up here. Hopefully, tomorrow my apartment will say that I had at least one normal day to get it together.

Time's up

Today has not been fabulous. I will spare you the details, but it simply was not pleasant. Also, it lasted ten years.

I come home, in the pouring rain, my not-waterproof boots now thoroughly soaked, and smile simply thinking about the heating blanket waiting for me.

I walk into my humble little home and I am greeting by the sound of my neighbor yelling. This happens most nights. Last night, it was power tools at midnight. Tonight, the fighting is so loud that I can hear every word. He and his basically live-in girlfriend fight almost every night and I get to overhear every brutal insult, door slamming, and thrown item.

Yesterday, I found out that I am free from my lease. I am free from the breezes that blow through the old windows, free from the yelling neighbors, and free from the leaking walls. In the near future, coming home at the end of a crappy day will actually be a good thing. Let the neighbors yell, let the wall soak up the rain. I'm outta here.

The flames got low

It's been a fairly amazing week. My friend from Liverpool is still in town and I was able to meet her for lunch. We met up at one our favorite places. We fought the lunch crowd and I barely ate any of my food because we were so busy talking. I guess that's when you know you've had a good lunch.

Last night, I met up with another friend and we nearly closed down the restaurant (It is worth mentioning that the meal was uh-mazing). We started out with the usual conversations: work, design, apartment woes. The conversation went from one topic to another until three hours had passed and we were talking about some pretty deep concepts. If you've ever seen My Dinner With Andre, it was a little like that.

While texting, email, and online social networks (even this blog) are great, they can't come close to the real thing. I got to see my pregnant friend's belly under a familiar shirt. Candles melted, fireplaces cooled, glasses clinked. There was actual laughter, over Frank Sinatra and under dim lights. There were things outside of our control. There were puddles of rain, layers of fog, and pasts to discuss. I don't remember a lot of the conversations I have online, but I do remember simple moments that happened years ago. I'm not one to make resolutions, but cheers to actually making memories instead of just typing about them.

*On a completely unrelated note: working out at midnight guarantees that every mill is your mill, and that you will most definitely not have to watch Lifetime or ESPN.

New faces

At this point in life, it's not that uncommon for several of my friends to be pregnant. Some are even on their second or third child. When you go to a private Christian University, that's how things go. On the other side of the spectrum, I have tons of single friends that are experiencing equally normal lives without spouses or children anywhere on the radar for now.

It's an amazing thing to see my best friends experience pregnancy, birth and the tiny little humans that they have no clue what to do with at first. These new little lives are especially exciting when they come against the odds. Two of my friends were told that they wouldn't be able to have kids, and yet, they both did. Short of my own children, I don't think I could be more excited.

Six months is an amazingly long time to not see a pregnant best friend. My friends found out they were pregnant right after they moved overseas and I've been limited to photos and emails. I finally got to see her and her tiny little baby bump today and you would think I had never seen a pregnant lady before.

We sat around her mom's house surrounded by her family. They were from Lebanon, L.A., Vegas, and little country towns in Ohio. They were an amazing group of women and I had some really good conversations. It reminded just how big and simultaneously small the world is, how many people there are to meet, and how many places there are to see (and how many languages I do not know how to speak).

It's a giant world out there. Here's to a year of new faces.

Not proud, still laughing

You know how sometimes, the most unexpected things are actually really funny? The past few weeks have presented a few unexpected (and embarrassing) gems:

1: PeeWee's Breakfast
I haven't watched anything PeeWee related in years, but this was revived recently. I may or may not want his house (kudos again, Mr. Burton) Mr. T cereal?! And check out the butter knife. Awesome. (1:15 to 4:45)



2: Method Commercial
I awkwardly get the phrase "use the loofah" stuck in my head at least once a week. After this, you will, too. It's worth it.



3: Hot Rod
I am so not proud of this one. I put off watching this movie for over a year because I accurately imagined it as a couple hours of brain draining dumb comedy. It was, but I definitely laughed. A lot.



In other news, I laugh at really inappropriate moments. I seriously can't help it, no matter how hard I try. This week was an excellent example. Falling is funny, people. When it happens, I am genuinely concerned about whether you are ok or not, despite my reaction. And I am a bad person.

It's Time

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over."

Gloria Naylor (via brokenmachine)

Impeccable

So, snow. And snow and snow and snow.

I spent my first day of the new year traveling to see four of my absolute favorite people on this planet. I had a fun drive through back roads and enjoyed some new music on the way there (Fun Fact: I downloaded music while I was driving. Technology, you are beautiful.). The two hour trip was filled with lightly drifting snow, crumbling snowmen, small towns, and rambling farmhouses. Interestingly, Say Hi To Your Mom's Impeccable Blahs fit the drive perfectly.

My friends have the cutest and most adorable little girls. I know a lot of people feel that way about a lot of kids, so these are my two token "I fall apart" kids. I mean, check her out:

So, we hung out and I got to experience life with two little girls. We went to the mall (indoor play area!) and by the time we left, the cars in the parking lot were more than covered. It snowed so much that I ended up spending the night. When I was little, that was the best thing ever, and it was still pretty awesome as an adult. We played cards around the kitchen table until almost 1am, then we all dragged ourselves off to various couches and beds.

When I woke up early the next morning, it looked like the roads had been cleared. So wrong. I ended up following the road via the mailboxes. One white-out and four hours later, I finally made it home. Still, that time with my friends was worth every single white minute and mile.

Now half-way into the week, the Impeccable Blahs is still impeccably fitting. Sometimes, you just need to feel blah and get it out of your system. I'm going to start the Great Gym Search tomorrow evening and hopefully pin down a place to move around a little. The rest of this night, however, will be spent buried under covers and layers and, hopefully, sleep.