Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Can I get this in an IV? Fast, please?

I am officially addicted to endorphins. Every afternoon, I head to the gym to either run or do yoga, and I spend the hour afterwards in a strange, euphoric and blissful state. This is new to me, even though I have worked out for years. It keeps me from doing something drastic, like stabbing someone in the throat, so I am trying to really stick with it.

Discussing my job with a good friend tonight, we couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I am working in my own personal hell. This friend in particular is a great person: fun, daring, challenging, funny, encouraging, and honest. She helps to keep me grounded and makes me laugh at how insane it all is. How insane is it? 

:: "The Man" (the president of the company) was walking through a department where someone was having a birthday. As is the custom in offices across the country, people were celebrating and had brought in cupcakes. Just as they were about to eat the cupcakes, The Man walked over, yelled at everyone, and dumped the cupcakes in the trash can. Cupcakes make you fat.

:: Today, it was windy, snowy, cloudy, and about 29 degrees. My hair had refused to curl and had been placed in a pony tail, and I was wearing a very simple, comfortable outfit. I walked into the bathroom near my desk and it was full of models who looked me up and down and then looked away. Ugh.

:: My boss thinks that women with short hair are just lazy, and that women should have long hair, period. There are two girls in my department, and we both have short hair.

:: Girls wear heels. This is a fact. Not here, though. I have been asked not to wear them, I have been given dirty looks, and two guys in one department tap their pens to the beat of my step when I walk by. I understand that it makes a noise, but really? I have decided that I will stop wearing heels when the guys stop talking about sex, their man parts, bodily functions, and what STD they would be.

:: There are very attractive guys posted at the front desk. One of their jobs is to stand with a football in hand, or to toss said football with another attractive guy in the front lobby. It help creates "brand experience". That said, we are supposed to cut back on our paperclip usage to cut expenses in the coming year.

:: Our air is pumped with our signature scents. Every now and then, you will even catch a whiff of it outside.

:: Horrible, horrible techno music (if it can even be called that) is played on a loop all day, every day, on speakers posted throughout the campus. This means that we hear the same 8 songs once or twice every hour. So far this has included the techno versions of Come to My Window, and Ain't No Mountain High Enough. Right now we have a remix of a Mariah Carey song and someone named Shontelle singing about just having a t-shirt on. It actually makes me want to vomit at various points during the day.

There are perks, of course. Tomorrow, for instance, I will drive to work at the private campus of a well known company. I will work out in a great yoga class, take a nice warm shower, walk upstairs, grab a latte, and head back to my desk. I will walk on paths through the woods, passing bonfires and sand volleyball courts. I can take a shuttle if it's too cold. I work in a building that has won several design awards. I can grab gourmet food for lunch, and I can wear whatever I want (well, as long as it isn't competitor clothing). So, I will try to focus on these things and let the endorphins (and caffeine, and my headphones) work their magic.


Dan S. said...

i want to become amazingly good looking so i can put in my resume "tossed football in front lobby". i would imagine i could go places with that.

Stephanie Lynn said...

paperclips huh? interesting. Hang in there.

believe_in_magic said...

Sam wants to know if these guys are half naked. He thinks that would be appropriate somehow.

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